I Eat Babies' Journal

yay for vegans
announcement: i am now a vegan! *applause*. yah. anywho. before, i was vegetarian, but now i have finally stopped eating animal products altogether. and you know what? soy milk is really good. this means, in the words of punk_in_chains (former gc boardie), i am now 14-38! yay! i doubt any of you knows what that means, but hey.

that's the only thing i'm happy about though. tomorrow i have to go back to school, and the thought of that makes me uncontrollably depressed. another thing that makes it worse is that yesterday, my friend dan told me that he has "feelings for me". oh god. of course, being who he is, he says that when he's drunk. goddammit i don't think i can take any more stress! why does he have to tell me now! now when i almost OD'd again last night. i didn't only because julie stayed over, and i didn't want her to have to deal with it. also, knowing my parents, they'd try to make it look as though she killed me or something like that.

why am i so fucked up? why can't i be normal? why can't i just ENJOY going to school? i wish i had SOMEthing to be happy about. unfortunately, all i have is that i get distracted by playing my bass/singing. and i suck at both, so it's not like i could make a career out of it. even if i didn't suck i don't have a band. ehhhhh. i also feel incredibly fat. julie came over after dance yesterday telling us all how her dance instuctor had noticed that she had lost weight! she is a fucking size 2! well, 3 actually, but she wears 2s to make herself feel thinner or something. or maybe it's just that she still has all the clothes that she fit into during her bulimic stage, and she wears them anywho. now me being a size 5 and growing, i feel like shit hearing this. also, on our way home from the movie chicago last night, someone said, "catherine zeta jones had to put on weight for that movie, and you can tell!" my god she looked so thin...compared to me at least. what must people think of me when they see me! if she looked fat in the movie, then i must be a cow. i have eaten nothing but an apple and a bowl of vegetable broth all day. i plan to keep going like this until i am a size 2 or 3, whichever gets me thisclose to being hospitalized. or maybe i should just starve myslef to death...that'd be fun:)

anywho, my mother is yelling at me to come do some menial task...probably set the table or something. eh. maybe i should stab myself repeatedly with a fork. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: something by skinny puppy...