I can't be the only one with this problem, can I?
What is the point? Honestly? It was made clear to me today that the only way that I will ever "succeed" in life is by attending all my classes and being a good little girl. This isn't true, is it? Honestly, I don't know. What can I do if I don't get my high school diploma? Get famous...yeah right. That'll happen. I'm too fat to be an actress, even though that's what would truly make me happy. And I really do want to go to university. To study philosophy and/or drama. The thing I don't want to do is subject myself to the arrogant opressiveness of the high school system. I was told, in no uncertain terms, that I am not old enough or responsable enough to be making independent decisions about my own life. And now my math teacher, whom I actually quite like, is mad at me for skipping his class.

So what do I do now? It's not like I'm all of a sudden going to start attending every class or something. That's a waste of my bloody time. I can't be the only one with this problem, can I? What do other people do? I mean, clearly most people are not compatible with contemporary methods of public education, so what does everyone else do? Just attend school like innocent, compliant little sheep? I won't though. I can't. I can't bring myself to. Home school? Self school? I know I'm dedicated enough to get myself through it, but would I enjoy it? I think I would. Is that even an option for me? And what about drama and politics and history...the classes I DO enjoy attending? Do I have to ditch those? Holy shit, I feel truly horrible.

I don't know what to do. I am so lost! I feel like a failure for not being able to put up with what everyone else can withstand, and at the same time I wonder why more people don't blow their fucking brains out. Maybe it's trivial now, maybe I shouldn't be worrying. After all, it'll all be over in two years. But is this how the rest of my life is going to be? Is it all going to be dictated by what other people think is right for me? Society's requirements? Is what I'm feeling even normal? If I tell any adults or whatever, they'll just say it's a case of rebellious teenage unrest and I'll get over in in a few years. Yah. Thanks for the help. I don't even know where to start with this! Ahhhhhhhh I just don't know what to think. Maybe I'll just stay home for a week or two and think things out. I'll go out and cath mono or break my legs or something. Fuck, I hate my life.